In a world of predominately male musicians and worship leaders, women can sometimes feel like the odd duck out. Remember that childhood story about "The Ugly Duckling"? Then there’s that song from Sesame Street that rings through my head: "One of these things is not like the other…" Ever been there? Maybe it’s not that you’re a woman. Maybe it’s that you feel younger than everyone else or older than everyone else. Maybe you don’t think you’re as skilled of a musician as those you play with. Whatever situation you might find yourself in, a lot of us have felt what I like to call the "Ugly Duckling Syndrome.” I find it ever so common when I talk with other worship leaders around the country, and I know it’s something that has plagued me.
I was thrown into the deep-end of the pool of worship-leading when I was a senior in high school, without much instruction or experience. In a world of male musicians that had years of experience and notches on their belts – this girl simply could not compete. I felt like there must be some mistake, because I sure didn’t feel capable of holding a band together, much less lead God’s people into worship! I remember a season when my pastor had to talk me out of quitting every Monday after a Sunday didn’t go so well. I can laugh now, but those Sunday mornings when I was in knots, I wasn’t laughing at all. I hated worshipping up in front of everyone, certain they were judging me as critically as I was judging myself. It was a crippling thing, and I began to realize that God wanted me to have more confidence in Him even if I didn’t have confidence in my own abilities. He wanted me to recognize He had called me to do this even when I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it at all. He was using the experience to transform me from the inside out, build my character, challenge me to become more skillful as a musician and leader, and ultimately make a worshipper out of me.
A previous pastor of mine (who is also an incredibly experienced worship leader) was committed to seeing me actually enjoy leading worship without getting sick to my stomach each week. It didn’t happen overnight, but more confidence has grown in me with each mile I’ve added to my odometer of worship leading. As I have become more comfortable as a worship leader, I am less fidgety on stage and less focused on my inadequacies. I am free to be more focused on God as I lead, and instead of being a distraction, I am growing to be a better facilitator of worship for our congregation.
What I love about the Ugly Duckling was that he never gave up; he kept trying to find his way and find out what he was and where he fit. He had good days and bad days - but in the end, he grew up to be a beautiful swan, admired by others. If we’re faithful to walk the path God has called us to walk, even if it may not look like anything we or anyone else has seen before, He is so faithful to use all things for the good of those that love Him.
Some practical advice for those of you struggling with “Ugly Duck Syndrome”:
-Stop looking at yourself and what you think your deficiencies are. Get out there and "do the stuff!” Find a homegroup or youth group and look for opportunities to develop your worship leading skills - both practically and spiritually. The best practice of all is before Him in secret. Be certain your personal devotion to the Lord comes above all else, and that you’re getting filled up on a regular diet of His word.
-Get out from behind the guitar and find other ways to serve your church and community. Volunteer to clean toilets or something! As we serve in hidden ways instead of just on the stage and in the spotlight, God tests and transforms our heart, character, and motives. It’s hard not to be humble when sporting rubber gloves and a plunger.
-Submit to the authority and leadership God has given you. Wait for His timing, and trust that He knows best when you’re ready to step into “ministry.” If He makes it clear to you and others that He’s raising you up – be ready to go for it! Our own fear is so often the main road block to what God has in store for us.
-Make godly relationships a priority in your life & don’t be a lone duck. Find someone to be a mentor to you, and someone you can mentor as well. I truly believe worship leading skills are caught more than taught. Sometimes we actually learn the most from teaching and being an example to others, too.
-Fight the lie that it’s a mistake you’re __________ [fill in the blank]. It’s so easy to find a million excuses why we can’t do the things God is calling us to do. He dreams bigger dreams for us than we could ever ask or imagine! Keep your eyes open to what He’s doing in and around you, and embrace who He’s created you to be.
-Be open to critique, criticism, and correction…we ALL need it. This is one of the hardest things for us as moody musos: hearing constructive criticism without taking offense. Do your best to listen with an open heart. You don’t have to agree with everyone’s opinion, but do submit it to the Lord, asking Him to search your heart and show you where you might need to make some changes.
-Be willing to take risks, laugh at your mistakes, and stop beating yourself up when they happen…because they will, guaranteed! In general, allow yourself to be uniquely you, and just have more fun at it!
“As you learn more about God and how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth, but the glory strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.” (Colossions 1, from the Message)
